Often when getting into a relationship you can see the signs of possible trouble ahead, yet you choose to ignore them. An inner voice may start speaking of the warning signs. Pointing out to you, his previous divorces or his problems with his kids, but you don’t see it.
Many times, we have these early warning signs and are unable or unwilling to believe they can actually be part of his personality. We automatically believe that if we love him enough and he loves us, he will change. But more often than not, he does not change; he continues his learned behavior into your relationship and into your marriage. There are three main categories to pay attention to when getting into a new relationship: his behavior, his history, and your inner voice.
When looking at your man’s behavior, pay attention to how he is treating you now, while the relationship is new and exciting. Chances are if he is not treating you how you want to be treated now, he will not change and treat you better after you are married. Also when looking at his behavior look at how he acts around his friends, family, children, and animal. If you don’t like how he is behaving in any of those areas make a point to discuss your concerns. A man that is mean to his mother now will probably still treat her badly in five years. His leisure activities are also an important place to look for clues to who he really is. If you have found a man who drinks a lot, is unfaithful, or can’t hold down a job, those are all huge red flags to what his behavior could be like in your relationship.
Pay attention to the stories he tells about his history. If he tells of how he has a horrible temper and almost ran a guy off the road who cut him off, that is huge. Don’t just laugh it off as a silly guy thing. When listening to his stories of ex girlfriends or wives, watch out for a man who blames everything on the woman and claims no ownership, he may have trouble owning his faults in your relationship also. And especially listen for signs of past abuse. If he says his ex divorced him because she said he was physically abusive you should probably start running the other direction now…quickly. Don’t automatically believe his explanation that she was exaggerating and he never ‘really’ touched her. His past is who he really is. Many men are hard wired for abuse and you can’t change him. He may not want to be changed or even think he has a problem, in fact he most likely will point the finger at you – saying you are the one with the problems and anger issues. Don’t be fooled.
Lastly, but probably the most important, listen to your own inner voice. There is that voice, or feeling, or whatever you want to call it, inside you. That voice that tells you there is something wrong. You may not know exactly what it is, but you feel like this may not be the right one. Instead of chalking it up to relationship phobia or your own issues, listen to that inner voice. Your inner voice often warns you long before you actually listen.
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Reprinted from MardieCaldwellArticles.com with permission from Mardie Caldwell, Adoption expert and travel writer. All rights reserved.
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